Do not be fooled, however, into thinking this was a leisure run. It was indeed quite arduous for me, partially because of the snowy ground I traversed, partially because I am terribly out of shape, and partially because it was the first time I had run since Dad died.
Over the past three years there have been many areas of my life that I had to let go, and several pieces of my life that were broken. Some things I let go because they simply seemed trivial. Other things I let go simply because it gave me more time with Dad. I know it hurt his heart to know our lives were radically altered during this time, but for us, the trade off was simple. I have no regrets.
Along with my heart, there are several pieces of my life that will remain broken for a long long time. But there are other parts of my life I am ready to reclaim. I want to start picking up the pieces.
Some pieces are going to be more significant than others. Today, I ran. Yesterday, I tweezed my eyebrows. Tomorrow I’ll finish my qualitative research class. One day, I’ll watch a Blackhawks game, and one day I’ll start writing a dissertation.
I know that during my “picking up the pieces” initiative, there will be some days where I won’t have the strength or desire to pick up any pieces. And there will be some days that I will feel like the pieces of my heart are shattered into fragments too tiny to recover. But that’s tomorrow’s grace.
Today, I ran.